What the Lord Means to Me

Spiritual development is one of the needs Boys and Girls Homes of North Carolina commits to addressing in our mission statement. The following essay was written to Pastor Joe and our ministry team by one of our residents. It is used with their permission.

What the Lord Means to Me

“This is a statement I pondered over for a good portion of my life. It always felt to me spirituality was just another word that didn’t have a purpose for me, but times have changed, and time has proven and shown to me that God is so much more than I had ever believed.

Growing up, I always considered myself religious. I would always go to church and when times were hard, I would cry out to God, but as I got older that flame in my heart faded, things just didn’t make sense to me. My world seemed too evil and corrupted for there to be a merciful and glorious Creator who loved me as I was. It didn’t make sense to me, so after a time I did give up on religion and spirituality and God. It brings me to shame to admit that, but, unfortunately, it is true. I lived with no guidance or spiritual backing for a couple of years and then things got rough for me personally. Now, without getting too personal I will say that a family member almost died, and it is a miracle that they didn’t and that opened my eyes. I knew that the reason they were still alive was more than pure luck it was a higher power, but even after that I still refused and tried to convince myself that there could be no such thing.

After some time, I ended up in foster care and a few weeks later in B&GH. My first night here I remember doing the same thing I did when I was little and cried out to God, tears streaming down my face, begging for things to make sense and for there to be love in my life not the pain I felt then. I felt a cluster of these emotions and then a couple of days later I got to go to church at B&GH and the sermon was “Love is Kind.” I wanted to scream out in irony until I realized it wasn’t irony, it was a sign; a sign God did listen to my prayers, that He did listen to me cry out in the night, and that I just had to have faith in Him. I accepted the Lord into my life. I felt different. A lot of feelings changed. I feel like I’m part of a bigger whole, part of a family full of people who I love and people who love me.

Life in God means being part of a bigger picture, to give love and to receive love even if you don’t feel like you deserve it. It means having faith and hope that things can and will get better. It’s remembering you are never alone even in your darkest hours.

It means that God accepts me the way I am, but loves me too much to let me stay this way. It means that He would send Jesus so that Love would have a name.

Thank God for B&GH family. Thank God for the ministry team and others who share the love of Jesus with us.

Know this, ‘You are loved.’

God bless you!”

Learn more about Spiritual Development at B&GH.

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